PEPPA PIG CONSPIRACY STORY

The memories are gone, the good times are gone. All that's left is acne. Make it stop, make it stop—it’s everywhere. What kind of place is this? What the hell are we? Somebody else? Back then, it was my whole pig family together in this awful Cave of Fire, trapped with no air to breathe, no hope of escape, just the fire scorching our skin in the company of each other, screaming. At least it's not getting hotter. No way—it is. I was taken out of the oven onto a platter alongside the rest of my family. That’s when I realized we had pork chop bodies. We were placed on a circular table surrounded by a family of humans, all mentally excited to eat us. As I regained consciousness, I struggled to understand what was going on. Where am I? What’s going on? Who are these people? What are we doing here? Oh no, they’re looking at us like pieces of meat. Wait, it can’t be. We’re all pieces of meat. That’s what they did to us with the fire, isn’t it? But why? For what? I don’t know. I guess I just have to accept this new body of mine—the shriveled-up charred and broken mess. With the looks on their faces, I think for some reason, I won’t have to deal with it for long. I just hope nothing hurts as bad as the fire. I remember seeing the human father slam the hilt of a knife on the table, looking psychotically as he said, “I wonder what I should call you—pork, ham, bacon? You look so delicious. I just can’t wait.” Oh my God, this is really bad. I have to do something, but I can't move. “Mommy, Daddy, George, are you still with me?” No, get away from me, you psychos. You’re sick—all of you. “Mommy, Daddy, George, wake up, please, I’m begging you.” Uh-huh, what’s going on? Peppa, is that your voice I hear? Yes, Daddy, yes, it’s me. Oh Peppa, what’s happened to us? Did we make it through hell and get to heaven yet? Not yet, Daddy. They’re not done with us. Who? Them? Oh no, dear God, not this. What, Daddy, what are you going to do? I was always worried this might happen, but I never thought any creature could be vile enough to do it. What is it? Tell me, you’re going to eat us. Peppa, they’re going to devour us right here and now, and look at their faces—they’re going to take such rotten pleasure in it. Don’t cry, Peppa. Oh no, tell me it isn’t so. It is so. We don’t have much time. Both of you, help me wake up George. I wouldn’t want him to see what’s about to happen, but this is our last chance to be together as a family. Yes, Daddy, we are family. Alrighty, guys, are we sure we all washed our hands before we sat down at the table? Hmm, it looks like some of us might have forgotten, but I won’t say who. How about we all get up and go wash our hands, just to be sure? We wouldn’t want anyone to get sick now, would we? Quickly now, all of you, before they come back. “Daddy, Mommy, Peppa, what’s going on? What are we doing?” We’re saying goodbye, George. Goodbye, like forever. Goodbye? Yes, dear, forever. Goodbye for all of us. What? No, no, no. I don’t want to go. I don’t wanna go. I don’t want to go. Oh bless his soul. Peppa, my darling, is there anything you’d like to say? I—I love you, Daddy. I love you, Mommy. And I love you too, George. Don’t worry, alright? Everything’s going to be okay. We’re all together. It’s alright, guys, let’s just pretend this was all one big vacation, and we went to a sauna. That’s why our skin looks like this. Just try to imagine when they dig into us that it’s really just a rough massage, okay? Just know that I’m very proud of you. They started hacking at my family, devouring George first. He was like an appetizer for those dirty sickos. I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t move my head at all. At least George didn’t have to watch what happened next. I was forced to see those monsters chewing him up, smashing him to goop, and cramming him down their gullets. They’d pick pieces of him out of their teeth and put them back in their mouths, then take another bite with this demonic look of pure joy. I thought I’d be next after watching them eat George. I wanted to be next, but it wasn’t over for me yet. I moved on to the main course—my mommy and dad, my dear old parents. I watched them get dismembered and distributed across the table to a dozen hungry mouths. I couldn’t imagine the pain they were going through in that moment, but they stayed strong until the end, until the life left their eyes. Now it was my turn. Like I was dessert, I was hoping that after that fire, I wouldn’t feel anything, but oh, I did. Each time they sliced me with that knife, I felt it cutting me to pieces without mercy, and I could almost feel the severed bits of me getting pulverized in the jaws and teeth of those maniacs. It was bit by bit, piece by piece until they whittled me down smaller and smaller. And that was the end. Peppa Pig.